Every day, hundreds of millions of people suffer from giving too many fucks. They spend their lives imprisoned by meaningless worries and unnecessary worries. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
In this article, I’m going to guide you through five levels of non-fuck-giving, each level shows more non-fuckery than the last. You will learn step-by-step how to face your fears, how to stop worrying about what other people think, and how to achieve eternal happiness in a carefree way. life.
Strap in, it’s time to stop the abuse and start living.
Level 1: Shame
In psychology, there is something known as the Spotlight Effect. The Spotlight Effect states that we all tend to think that people are paying more attention to us than they actually are.
Think back to the last time you got a terrible haircut. You probably walk around all day believing that everyone is watching the tragedy of a mop on your head. But the truth is that most people don’t notice. And if they notice, they sure don’t care.
One of my favorite quotes is from author David Foster Wallace. He said:
You’ll stop worrying so much about what other people think of you when you realize they rarely do.
As someone who grew up with a lot of social anxiety, this idea was absolutely profound for me. But the problem is the idea itself is not enough. You have to get out into the world and experience it. You need to go out and challenge your own Spotlight Effect.
Does that mean you should put on a chicken suit and walk around your local mall? No, you don’t have to (although I won’t stop you). But this means you should do something.
You have to challenge yourself. You have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations in front of other people, and prove to yourself that no one cares, that no one gives a damn.
Allowing shame is the basis of not giving a fuck. Once you realize that no one cares, that’s when you’ve conquered Level One of not giving.
Forward.
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Level 2: Rejection
If being willing to look like an idiot is the first step to not giving a fuck, the next step is being willing to face rejection.
It’s one thing to not care what strangers think, but what about the people you love? Are you willing to say things that your friends and family won’t agree with? Are you comfortable having difficult conversations? Are you afraid of embarrassing yourself on a date?
People who give a lot of fucks are not good at rejection. Their self-esteem is so wrapped up in social approval that they find rejection intolerable and do their worst to avoid it, often by acting out. They look at every social situation in terms of “What can I say or do to get people to like me?” And then they try to say or do that.
This is a terrible way to live, for many reasons. The first is that it is very stressful. Every social interaction can basically be like a school exam where you have to say and do exactly the right things to get the result.
But the real reason is that it prevents you from having healthy relationships in the first place. Even if you perform well and people like you, you don’t fully trust that they like you. for you.
The great success for most people comes when they finally drop the show and embrace the authenticity of their relationships. When they realize no matter how well they do, eventually someone will reject them, they might as well reject them for who they are.
When you start approaching relationships with authenticity, by being unapologetic about who you are and living with the consequences, you realize that you don’t have to wait for people to choose you, you can choose them too. .
And it changed everything.
Level 3: Criticism
Truth: you can’t keep everyone happy all the time.
No matter what you do, there will be people who will criticize your actions, say negative things about you. And you have to learn to live with it, to understand that criticism is part of the job description of success, that the respect and praise you want always comes with a healthy serving of critics who are eager to destroy you.
The next time you’re criticized, here’s what to do:
- If you respect the person, listen to the criticism and improve.
- If you don’t respect the person, reject them. Who cares?
Criticism is informational only. If it’s not useful information about you, then it’s useful information about them. Either way, it works. So why avoid it?
Level 4: Failure
Something incredible happens when you stop caring what other people think of you—which is what Levels 1-3 are about—it gives you the freedom to fail.
All the things you knew about, all the adventures you dreamed of but were too afraid to pursue, all of a sudden they opened up to you because you didn’t leave anything for people to talk about. you if you fail.
You don’t care what your family says when you quit your bad job and can’t find a better one, so you go ahead and quit. You don’t care if you take a breakdancing class and you’re so terrible at it that you become everyone’s joke, so you go ahead and sign up.
Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter if you fail. It matters what you are ACT. Life happens in the process, not the result.
Most of us are too result-oriented and not process-oriented enough, and I think a lot of this comes from the way we were raised. You grow up and you are rewarded for getting an A on a test or getting a gold star in an activity. It’s all about “Can you achieve this result? And then we’ll reward you.”
But the truth is, life is never that way. In fact, in many ways, life rewards the willingness to fail, life rewards the person who is willing to embarrass themselves a little, who is willing to take some risks, who is willing to be bad at something until necessary to obtain. it’s good.
So I ask you, what are you unapologetically bad at? What are you more happy to be terrible at because it brings so much joy to your life?
Find that thing, and do it. Even if you fail miserably, you’ve done something worthwhile, something you’ll be proud to tell your grandchildren about.
Level 5: Given Zero Fucks
Congratulations. We, my friends, have reached the pinnacle. Unstoppable by shame, rejection, mockery or failure, we achieve complete freedom in not mocking.
A life of zero fucks given is a life of zero pressure, zero regret. It’s a life of freedom, to do whatever the hell you want to do, to be whoever the hell you want to be.
Look, you and everyone you know will die one day. So what are you waiting for? That goal of yours, that dream of yours that you keep to yourself, that person you want to meet. What is stopping you? Go do it.
Because seriously, who cares?
